


Cold fingers

by Marleen3843



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Gen, Mind Meld, POV Shiro (Voltron), Panic Attacks, Post-Season/Series 08, Trauma, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:13:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marleen3843/pseuds/Marleen3843
Summary: When a diplomatic mission gets out of hand, the Atlas gets attacked by the people the coalition so desperately wanted to make peace with. Shiro tries his best to calm the Atlas down while defending her from the enemy, but when the enemy finds its way inside the Atlas, it makes her spiral out of control, taking Shiro with her. The only one who can keep Shiro from losing his consciousness to the Atlas, is Lance.
Relationships: Atlas & Shiro (Voltron), Lance & Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	Cold fingers

**Author's Note:**

> In the making of this fic I wondered what it would be like if Lance joined the Atlas crew instead of working on a farm, like in season 8. I also adore fics where the Atlas is sentient and kind of acts like a tolder, and so this fic was made! 
> 
> Please remember that my first language isn't english, but furthermore I hope you all enjoy it! 
> 
> Thank you so much [Marukon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marukon) for being my beta for this fic!! Check out their original story, it's really wonderful <3

_“It hurts”_

Shiro gritted his teeth while the painful message taunted through his head. His vision was swimming and the faces from the people around him were blurry, unable for him to identify. The cool metal of the Atlas hummed warmly under his fingers, no longer calming him down as it did in the past. It now reminded him very much how the Atlas was alive and that their souls were intertwined with each other. 

_“It hurts,”_ she repeated. He tried to ignore her, focusing on the task at hand, but with a hundred ships firing at the outer walls of the Atlas, it was very hard for him to do so. He shared her pain, her thoughts, her feelings ever since they were being connected by the crystal in his right arm. It felt like being repeatedly punched in the stomach, the pain was getting worse the more missiles were being fired at them. 

She was asking for help he realised as she repeated the same two words back to him. She was young, a new being that couldn’t even comprehend the nightmares Shiro shared with her occasionally. She was a far cry from Black, an ancient entity who shielded him from such pains and even took on his quintessence to save him from the dark claws of death. 

He did want to help her, however, with the pain taking over his senses there was no way of doing that. It was like holding a small child’s hand, guiding them, sharing their experience, explaining to them the unknown mysteries of the world. The Atlas mostly couldn’t fully form questions to him all the time. She often shared images with him and he guessed the meaning behind them. Sometimes she required his assistance, like if a plaiting came loose from the floor somewhere below the decks or if something didn’t work properly with the engines that slowed her down in her flight. 

_“It hurts”_

“I know” he answered her. _“It hurts”_ it immediately came back, feelings of confusion and fear flooded through him, the sensation sending shivers down his spine. “I’m sorry,” He told her back. This time there came no answer, instead, he felt a sharp pain slowly spreading over his left shoulder. 

Shiro’s legs started to shake as he could no longer support himself anymore on the control board. His knees hit the ground with a loud bang and with his last strength he managed to keep from lying on the floor. Black spots formed in the corner of his eyesight, the world slowly narrowing down to a single spot. 

The IGF-Atlas was being attacked from all sides now, a large laser cannon creating the pain he felt coming from one of her wings. He could tell the attacks weren’t random by the patterns of agony that coated his chest. _“It hurts”_

Shiro still was surprised, that even though the universe had been at peace for ages now, that there were still species determined to fight off any intruders coming near their planet. The Uzu was no different from that. They were creatures with dark fluffy bodies, dressed in armour that was either gold or silver. At first, they had welcomed them with open arms, but the second they heard they were housing Galra amongst their crew, they had drummed up their forces and started to attack the Atlas. 

Someone called out to him, their voice sounding far away as he felt like he was being pulled underwater. Dark hands came into his view, trembling and slowly reaching up to his face. Shiro flinched when cold skin touched his warm cheeks, the feeling surging him back to reality. 

His ears slowly started to pick up again on words and he realised with a shock that they were all calling out his name. He still held his head down, his eyes trained on the smooth surface of the plaiting of the Atlas. After a while, he could distinguish the individual voice of his crewmates. The harsh tone of Iverson, the calmness of professor Holt, the irritating voice of Slav and even Veronica, who barked out updates about the situation outside. And of course, 

“Shiro” 

Lance sounded worried; his voice slightly trembling. Shiro recognized the slim fingers that were holding his jaw. With his human hand, he gradually reached up to them, touching them carefully with his palms. “I’m okay” he managed the squeeze out of his throat, now realising how raw it felt. 

Before him, Lance let out a sigh of relief. “You don’t really look like it.” 

“Could you blame me?” he shot back, which earned him a small laugh from the young man kneeling in front of him. Lance briefly brushed his thumb over Shiro’s chin, his eyes wavering and his bottom lip slightly trembling. 

Shiro wanted to reassure Lance that he was alright, that he had nothing to worry about. The young man had always been sensitive about these things, whenever one of the paladins was hurt, he was always at the forefront, watching over them and taking care of them. His family and friends meant a lot to him, so it was no wonder that he had reached out to Shiro. 

Suddenly a strange feeling slipped into his body, invisible fingers ghosting over his skin and making their way slowly into his heart. It felt like he was being violated, an experience of disgust and fear mixing together into the pit of his stomach. The Atlas responded to his distress instantly, the lights flickering around them as if a shiver was coursing through her spine. 

It felt like Hagar. It felt like the things she had done to him, strapped to an iron table unable to move, but still seeing the knife coming closer and closer for the inevitable. Her mechanical laugh began ringing through his ears, her yellows eyes bore into his soul, her claws scraping over his skin. It felt like ages ago since he thought about her, his nightmares usually consisted out of the battles in the arena and the broken bodies he left behind. Yet sometimes it went back to the experiments, the cutting of his arm, the scars littered across his body. 

“Shiro?” Lance definitely noticed the way Shiro’s frame went rigid and his breathing became laboured. His fingers were still holding him, only his nails were slightly digging into his cheeks. 

_“Champion“_ sounded Hagar's voice.

All of a sudden, the Atlas made a violent turn to the right, tilting the enormous ship at a sharp angle, the crew on the bridge being thrown around like ragdolls while the lights shut down. Shiro was bolted to the floor, his body tense and his mind spiralling. The feeling of ghostly needles around his heart only became stronger. 

_“Wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG!”_ The mantra echoed in his head. He tried to reach out to the Atlas, connecting his emotions to hers, trying to figure out why they were feeling this way. Why he was revisiting the memories of a woman who no longer was there anymore. 

She sends him a vague image of creatures armoured in black gear somewhere below the decks. One of them sliding his hands over her walls, making him tremble. His stomach lurched upwards, the feeling of nausea joining the pains in his body. People often touched her in that way, and for the most part, he could ignore it, but this time it felt wrong. _“Wrong”_

This time she turned the whole ship to the left, slower than before, but still with enough force to propel everyone across the room. He understood what she was doing. Like a wild horse on a rodeo trying to bug off her rider, the Atlas was trying to lose the intruders in her lower compartment. 

“Shiro!” yelled Lance across the room, seemingly the wild ride the Atlas was doing right now wasn’t also lost on him. “What’s happening? What’s going on?” He crawled towards him, but before he even could get close, the Atlas decided to turn the other way around and Lance skidded across the floor somewhere at the back of the bridge. 

“Sir! Please make her stop, we cannot defend ourselves like this” screamed Veronica on the opposite side of the control room, her body dangerously close to the glass. Shiro wanted to respond to her, he wanted to tell Lance what was going on, but he couldn’t. The Atlas was in panic, he was in a panic, they were in panic

A large explosion sounded right next to the hull and in an instant, Shiro felt an excruciating pain flare into his eye. He let out an involuntary cry and pressed his Altean hand to his skull. _“It hurts, wrong.”_ He was balancing himself on one knee now, his human hand gripping the panelling above him and his body leaning against the control panel.

His vision started swimming again, the pain slowly overwhelming and the demanding voice of the Atlas booming on the inside of his mind. She was scared, he knew. On top of the visions of Hagar he shared with her, the intruders who made their way into her hull and the assault she received from outside, it became too much, even for her. 

Somebody grabbed him by the ankle and in a reflex Shiro kicked the hand away, the Atlas mirroring his movements by spinning what almost felt like a barrel roll. More bodies were thrown across the room, and Shiro briefly wondered if somebody already threw up somewhere in a corner 

The hand returned and a newfound panic made his way into his belly. _“Wrong, Wrong”_ The Atlas was shouting in his ear right now, determined to let him know that something was wrong, and every word seemed to get louder and louder by each passing. It felt like he was walking through a concert crowd, unable to hear anything else than the loud music, the feeling of warm bodies pressing on him from all sides and darkness spilling all around him.

Shiro was so out of it, that he hadn’t noticed a pair of hands grabbing his face, trying to catch his attention. The stinging of something sharp and cold finally made him look up, meeting Lance, who tried to compose his expression in something neutral, probably trying to save Shiro from being concerned. Only the Atlas reminded him that he should definitely be concerned and that what was happening now was not normal. When Shiro glanced at Lance's mouth, he realised that he was talking to him. However, the frequency Lance was talking on, was different than the one Shiro was listening to. So, when the blue paladin stared at him, waiting for an answer, Shiro had no clue how to respond to him. 

For some reason that gave Lance the indication to slap him, the sharp and cold feeling from before returning to full force and making his ears ring. It temporarily made the words of the Atlas disappear, and Shiro had to try his best to not sigh in relief when Lance called out and the words finally reached his ears. 

“Shiro! please— please calm down, please.” Lance's voice was wavering, pleading. The world was no longer spinning and even though the words _“Wrong”_ carefully seeped back into his mind, Shiro no longer seemed to lose his grip on reality. 

With some significant restraint he managed to grab onto Lance's arm and slightly squeeze it, letting him know that he was okay, even though if he would voice it, the former blue paladin wouldn’t believe him. Lance eyebrows, which were pressed together, slowly relaxed and a tentative smile bloomed across his face. 

“Shiro, what is going on?” Lance asked in a small voice, probably not to startle him. Shiro remembered that Lance had seen him get panic attacks plenty of times in the past, so he could probably recognize that this moment counted as one of those. One time when Shiro was pressing an ice pack to his forehead inside the castle of Lions and tried to diminish the fear that his body was drowning in, Lance stumbled upon him in the kitchens and stayed there with him there the entire time, riding out the panic attack he was having. 

Only there was no ice pack to fight off the anxiety coursing through his veins, and Shiro thought that Lance probably figured out that hitting Shiro hard enough on the cheek would also help getting him back to existence. He was really glad that his friend was here for him. 

_When Lance had offered to join the Atlas crew, Shiro, but also the paladins had been surprised. While being an excellent paladin, Lance never really excelled inside the Garrison ranks. He knew that his family had re-established themselves on new-Altea with a farm, so logically Shiro concluded that Lance, loving his family and longing for them during their space adventures, would join them there._

_So, it was a little bit unnatural to see him walking around the Atlas with his blue garrison uniform on, especially since Shiro had been travelling with the Atlas crew for quite some time now. Veronica had voiced to him that she was afraid that he had chosen for this only because she had. Shiro had quickly dismissed that thought and told her that Lance was smart enough to determine his own destiny and what was best for him. But when she narrowed his eyes down to him, he had to admit that it also had crossed his mind. Until this day he still had no idea why Lance joined._

“Shiro?” 

Shiro flicked his eyes back towards Lance and realised quickly that he was still waiting for an answer. The crew around him had slowly picked up themselves and regrouped behind their stations. The Atlas has finally stopped spinning, but it also seemed like she was waiting for an answer, even though the feeling of wrongness still was sitting heavy at the bottom of his belly. 

“Shiro?” Lance tried again, and out of his vision, Shiro saw him rapidly tapping his foot, trying to lose the nervous energy that was written all over his face. “I’m okay Lance” Shiro responds again automatically. It was the wrong answer, Lance pinched his cheeks slightly between his cold fingers, and his face twisted in an odd way. 

“What’s going on Shiro? The Atlas suddenly went into panic mode, and you didn’t respond anymore and— and,” Lance's voice stuttered at the end, reminding Shiro that he was only a few years younger than him. “There’s something wrong, The Atlas is freaking out about it,” he answered.

“Something’s wrong?” Lance bounced back, turning away for a second to exchange looks with somebody Shiro couldn’t see. In that moment, Shiro painfully realised what kind of situation they were in right now. His shoulder was in agony, his brain pounding at the inside of his skull and the explosion from before made his eye throb in its socket. 

They still had a battle to fight, and Shiro had made it for everyone harder by falling into a panic attack, which had caused the Atlas to freak out, even though she freaked him out in the first place. So, it was no surprise that he felt little needles pricking into his skin, indicating the ships that were firing outside against the massive IGF. 

“Shiro, what’s wrong?” Iverson was standing next to Lance now, his one eye studying him in concern. It took Shiro a few ticks to realise that he had spoken it as an order, probably to let him know the urgency behind it. 

So Shiro tried his best to voice his concerns, without being vague about it. “Atlas is letting me know that somebody has entered her. I don’t know how many and if they are good or not. But she’s telling me that it feels wrong.” A ripple of emotions flew through the bridge crew. Most of them looked shocked, Iverson face became red with anger and Veronica seemed to share the same feeling with him 

Only Lance was the one who spoke up in the first place, his cold hands leaving Shiro’s face. “How dare those quiznacks try to invade the Atlas! How did they even do that?! I thought it wasn’t possible while the shields were up.” Shiro quickly wanted to remind him that the shields had been down for a long time now, but Sam Holt spoke before him.

“Unfortunately, Lance they aren’t. They were lowered since the Atlas cannot fire when the particle barrier is up. And it wouldn’t hold up with the numbers the Uzu have against us.”  
“If it wasn’t for the Uzu” Iverson whispered while gritting his teeth. Lance seemed ashamed for not knowing about it, his cheeks slightly colouring. 

The rest of the crew sprang to a frenzy, where they started talking about the possibilities on how the intruders have managed to enter the Atlas. Shiro wanted to stop their bickering and focus on the problem at hand but, at that moment the Atlas decided to let him know that something was still wrong. 

_“Wrong, Wrong, Wrong”_

Her panic started to creep up on him again, curling around his ribs and pulling him down under. With a startling realisation, he realised that the invaders had moved in the meantime that Shiro had composed himself and told the crew what was going on. Their feet tapered somewhere in the back of his heels, giving him goosebumps and a terror he couldn’t shake this time. 

“They are moving” he quietly whispered. Lance stiffened beside him, seemingly the only one who had heard him. “Who are moving?” he said out loud, silencing the whole bridge. “The Uzu, or at least a small party, they are dressed in all black” Shiro managed to get out, before the words of the Atlas started to fill his ears once more. He felt like he was standing in the concert crowd again, voices muffled and her voice overpowering his mind. 

Someone started to shake his shoulder, and when he turned his head his vision came up blurry. Images of dark figures filled his head, their feet tapering against the floors, bouncing against what felt like the inside of his skin. They spoke in an unknown language, whispering quietly amongst themselves. If Shiro would have been there, his translator probably would’ve picked up their words, but he wasn’t there, and Atlas panic prevented her from translating it herself. 

Shiro’s senses were now completely taken over by her. He couldn’t feel his own body anymore. He was now in space, surrounded by hundreds of Uzu ships that were firing at him while unknown entities were roaming around inside him. He knew every nook and cranny of himself, the people that lived within him, the person who commanded him, his own machinery. He knew that they didn’t belong there. Fear laced throughout his very core and if he had hands, he would’ve ripped the invading Uzu right out of his belly. 

Instead, he repeated the mantra that was vibrating in every bit of his soul. _“Wrong, wrong, wrong”_ He felt large and powerful, yet the upcoming invaders made him feel weak and small. He couldn’t do anything about them, if they were outside, he would. but they weren’t and that sends him into a frenzy. 

A burst of pain made Shiro suddenly remember that he had two legs again that were shaking under him and barely holding his weight. Another one, which caused him to see stars, made him remember that he had two arms, one holding the panel before him in an iron grip. A muffled voice filtered itself through the chaos of firing ships and the Atlas’ call. 

Slowly Shiro felt the sensation of a pair of cold hands grabbing his face, shaking but firm. Through the blurriness of his vision, he saw two blue eyes watching him. They were slightly moist he realised when his sight became clearer. 

“Come on, come on, come on Shiro” Lance muttered under his breath. His shoulder slightly relaxed a little bit when Shiro looked up to him, his eyes no longer clouded by the Atlas’ thoughts. His fingers were still trembling against his skin, but Shiro reckoned it was because of the adrenaline he put them through. 

“Can you speak?” Lance asked him while Shiro was slowly standing up. His legs still felt like jelly and he made a dent into the command centre with his bionic arm. “You’ve got to stop touching my face, Lance. Otherwise, I might need a facemask after this” he retorted. Lance snorted and swatted at his cheek. “I’ll probably need to exfoliate you first, you quiznack. Have you seen your pores? Even Keith takes better care of them, and he doesn’t do anything!” 

They laughed for a bit while Shiro regained his strength, the Atlas still shouting at the back of his mind and his vision swaying a little bit. He had no idea what Lance had hit him with, but it seemed to work for now. Although he was worried that as soon as one of the Uzu touched the walls again, he would fully lose control. 

The thought of it made his heartbeat loudly, thrumming against the inside of his ribcage and making his palm sweat as he was looking around the room. He saw Sam Holt and Slav arguing in the corner about stabilisation around the thrusters. The rest of the crew was watching him, their eyes burning unto his skin. He could feel their tension, everybody waiting for his next order, but he came out blank. 

Outside another missile went off, causing the ship to shake. He just couldn’t do this alone. 

“Lance” Shiro whispered, catching Lance’s attention and causing the blue paladin to turn around towards him. “What is it Shiro?” he asked, concern laced throughout his voice. He carefully rested his hand on Shiro’s bicep, grounding him, for which Shiro was grateful for. Another explosion sounded off into the distance and Shiro flinched when he felt Atlas’ pain transported back to him. Lance only tightened his hold in response. 

“Shiro?”

Before Shiro could answer, a shudder went through him, Atlas sending him the image of sharp nails against metal walls and crowding his mind again with her words of distress. “Help me” were all the words Shiro could find before the Atlas pulled him under. The last sight he saw, that he could say with certainty were his, were Lance’s frightened, blue eyes. 

The feeling of being small and large at the same time returned, he was floating through space again, getting attacked on all sides by ships while small creatures moved up through his spine towards his shoulder blades. _“It hurts, WRONG, WRONG, hurts”_ he yelled towards the black void of space, but the only person that could hear him, couldn’t anymore 

He then tried the only tactic he knew, spinning and turning to shake off the intruders and missiles. It seemed to work for a while, the pain from outside subsiding for a mere moment while the many feet inside him stayed stationary. Only when he slowed down to a hold, all the sensations returned to him in full force. The feet were moving quicker now and the ships fired bigger and heavier projectiles towards him. 

He screamed, the pain becoming too much for him. He felt his systems slowly shutting down, his body being caught by the gravity of another planet nearby and slowly losing its altitude. 

Suddenly he sensed something familiar touching his walls, a smooth hand brushing against the surface carefully. _“Blue”_ he whispered quietly. He then realised where the blue paladin was headed and the thought of it made him sigh with relief. Even if he wasn’t able to shake off the intruders, Blue would stop them. 

A hatch somewhere below his knee opened up, fighters speeding out of the airlock towards the Uzu. The pain from outside slowly began to fade away as the ships of the Uzu were taken down one by one by the MFE fighters. 

The mantra of _“Wrong”_ and _“it hurts”_ disappeared from his mind and Shiro felt his consciousness slowly returning from the Atlas' grasp. Somebody shook his shoulder and Shiro opened up his eyes, blinking away the blurriness. The bridge was celebrating as Shiro’s vision became clear again. He saw them cheering, hugging each other and Veronica, the one who shook at his shoulder smiled down on him. 

Shiro briefly returned her smile, enjoying the mood from the crew that was flowing all around him, before ultimately his eyes slipped shut and he was engulfed into darkness. 

When he finally woke up the next time around, he lay in one of the hospital beds while his arm contained a needle with fluid dripping through an IV. His head was throbbing, his body felt like lead and his legs were aching throughout. It felt like one of the lions had crushed him beneath their paws. 

With a groan, he tried to sit upright, but his body wouldn’t cooperate and with a frustrated sigh, he sank back into the pillows. Based on the dimmed lights, Shiro guessed that he woke up around the night cycle. 

Something stirred beside him, and when Shiro looked next to him, he saw Lance sitting in a chair beside his bed, his head tipped backwards while he softly snored with his mouth open. Something like affection stirred somewhere in his belly and Shiro couldn’t help but smile. He was glad that his friend was okay. 

For a while Shiro watched Lance sleep peacefully, watching his chest slowly rise and fall. Eventually, after a few minutes, Shiro reached out and took hold of Lance’s fingers, which were still cold, and squeezed them slightly. 

“Thank you for saving me today Lance,” he whispered quietly. “I wouldn’t know what I would’ve done without you”. Lance didn’t respond but kept on snoring into the night. 

_“Safe”_ the Atlas told him silently, and Shiro couldn’t agree more. 

_End._


End file.
